Friday, May 21, 2021

What is life? story of life, the suffering of life

Barahachhetra municipality, ward no 5, Sungava village, Sunsari. Father passed away, a mother is abroad. Two elder brothers are also in a foreign country. An elder sister was together, but she too got married and went to her husband's home. This is how twelve years old Sajan BK became alone at home. Sajan studies in a nearby school in grade five. He stays alone in this house. Lonesome is his friend. Lone Story. The school has morning classes. He has to wake up early in the morning. It is not possible to cook food early in the morning every day. Most of the time he has to leave an empty stomach for school. My farms are small, and my family is nuclear. Without working, will not have enough to eat in the morning and evening. Without working, will not have enough to eat in the morning and evening. As the sun rises in the morning across the hills the Asare song gets echoed in the melodious tone. Without working, will not have enough to eat in the morning and evening. Plough and harrow are the grace of my shoulder, hoe on my hand To sustain the living, I must face ups and downs. Children in playing ground} Sajan returns home from school during halftime at around 9:00 am on his bicycle. 



Today in the morning he was able to cook rice only. But had not got time to eat. He could not prepare curry too. He hurriedly swallowed rice with chutney of last night. He could not eat much. A piglet reared at home got the food to eat. I have left apart from my family since my childhood. Tears are my snacks and I eat rice along with tears. How much shall I shed the tears? Where lies the tree of wealth? Who sow it? Oh, God. Why are people left alone like this? Left apart from my family since my childhood Tears are my snacks and I eat rice along with tears How much shall I shed the tears? Where lies the tree of wealth? Who sow it? Oh, God. Why are people left alone like this? Where lies the tree of wealth? Who sow it? Oh, God. Why are people left alone like this? He returned to the school on the same bicycle. Man Singing School is off now. He returned home with a pleasant face as ever and a smile. While it is scorching hot, I feel very tired to pedal the cycle. After reaching home I like to rest for some while. Does not feel like eating. I feel as if someone could cook for me and feed me. Today you did not cook the vegetable, you ate just rice and chutney. I was getting late. It takes half an hour to cook rice. Meanwhile, I can prepare chutney. Thinking to eat rice with chutney, I did that. That is why you left the chopped vegetable? I was getting late. If attendance is missed, you get less number in the annual report. Um. Halftime... half an hour... vegetable cannot be cooked. It takes one hour. Oh. I will run out of time. Instead of that you put some water, a pinch of salt and chutney and eat. And left for school. 

House is lonely. There is no one else to talk with. A piglet and some hens are the creatures at home beside him. Sometimes do you not like to talk with me whenever staying alone at home? There is no one to talk with. And? All alone. How to talk with self? The soul too has to speak up. Neither can I make two voices. I just sit even though it is unpleasant. I would have played the game if I had a mobile phone. Could have talked with my brothers. There is no one. I feel very sad. Why? Thinking that others have their brothers, sisters and mother with them. When did your mother go abroad? It has been six months since she left. She has been abroad three times. First of all, she went to Saudi or somewhere. Second time to Kuwait. And this time too Kuwait. Is she in Kuwait now? She went to Kuwait two times. This time and last time. Where have your two brothers gone? Qatar. Abroad. Both. Are both in Qatar? Oh. Do you talk to them? My mother never phones me. My brother does. Oh. What does your brother say? My brother, Sanam. He asks me to focus on my studies. Do you have a phone? No, I do not have. My sister's phone, she gives me it sometimes. Your mother, brother, when are they coming back? My brother, Sagar had said that he will come soon. But has not come yet. I have no friends. What have you asked for from your brothers? A tab and a smartwatch. But I feel they will not come. Are you afraid of sleeping alone at night? Yes, I do. What do you do then? I cover my face with a blanket. Do you like to eat alone? If my mother was here like others, she would have cooked for me. It is that. I had requested my mother not to go, but she left. My brothers were talking, I left for school. Yes. And? By the time I returned from school, she was gone already. 

If I had a mother with me like others she would have loved me... I felt bad. When I was much younger, I used to ask my father about my mother. But he never answered? Baba used to say that she has gone somewhere. And after some years, as I grew up... ...my brother, Sanam made me talk to my mother over the phone. And then I recalled that she has gone abroad. When do you remember your mother a lot? Always! When I cook rice when I get ready for school. Before my mother used to serve me food herself before going to school she also used to give me some pocket money. While going to school. This is me and my father. This is my sister. Sajan used to love his father the most. His father took the road never to return. His father's love now has transformed into a picture. I remember him, time and again. He used to love me a lot. He used to buy things for me staying empty-stomached. I stayed with my father until the age of seven to eight. Um. Then he passed away. My father... till now I feel as if my father has not passed on. I feel he is somewhere nearby. Did your father use to cook for you? Feed you? He did not have time to cook. He had to go to work. While returning from work, he would bring beaten rice... Soup noodles, biscuits etc. What work did your father use to do? My father? He did not have any big work. He used to work in a paddy field. Chopping the wood. Dismantling houses. He used to do such works. What had happened to your father? I do not know but it was something like pressure... high... or low. Do you know when did he die? It must have been two to three years now. This house was not built. Only pillars were erected. My father was sharping my pencil, I was eating rice. After eating rice, I left for school. My father... It was just half an hour I was in school, we were informed...my father passed away. 

A boy came to our school to take us. My elder sister... slapped the boy who was there to inform us. Um. Thinking that he was lying. But he insisted that was true. But when we came, he was already dead. He was laid on the floor. I wept a lot. I kept asking him not to leave us and to return to us. That is what I said. Many people cried. When your loved one dies, an unbearable pain occurs in your heart... your heartaches, no one can see that. The pain inside your heart cannot be seen by anybody.

Sujan Rai

Author & Editor

Traveller and explorer.

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